Guiding light

I've been painting daffodils on driftwood that I've been collecting, it's been a great project for me, successful and fun! First I drew the flowers on paper and was happy with the outcome and then remembered the pieces of driftwood I've found and been drying out for an idea just like this. I plan to give them as gifts to my family on the anniversary of my Moms death which is coming up, April 4th. It's been 3 years and i miss her so much, we all do. This time in mid March I begin to get sad, agitated and angry because it was now when Mom decided to not have a heart transplant and she came home with Hospice care. Why didn't we push her to get a new heart? Why didn't I spend more time with her and tell her I love her? All these questions still haunt me and especially during these 3 weeks. Being creative during this time helps turn my focus to positive thoughts and memories of Mom. It's still really tough though.
So far I had 5 driftwood pieces suitable to paint but once I got going I realized I wanted to paint more. The daffodils to me represent beauty, springtime, strength, and the yellow reminds me of my Mothers blonde hair. Also, they make me think of Brewster in Bloom which was one of Moms favorite times to have a picnic with family and friends in our yard to enjoy the parade, food, fun and each others company. This time of year really hits home for me and my longing for her love.
Today I woke up early to walk on the beach with my dog Kaya before work. It was cold and overcast but the fresh air felt fantastic. I looked around a little bit for more driftwood but didn't find anything spectacular and at this point dry enough to paint on soon. As I started my walk back towards the path to the parking lot, a bright stream of sunlight beamed out of the clouds and struck the right side of my face causing me to squint and become disoriented. I turned towards the sun, saw it glistening on the water and felt it's warmth all over my face. I looked down and right there was a perfect driftwood piece to paint on! I know it was Mom who shined down on me and opened my eyes to what I was looking for, not only the driftwood but also a connection and sign from her. I walked to the waters edge to thank her and in the sand I wrote a message.
"I love you Mom so much. Thank you for being my guiding light."
I felt close to her and visited which makes me smile.

Devotion

"The heart can think of no devotion
Greater than being shore to the ocean-
Holding the curve of one position,
Counting an endless repetition"
Robert Frost

This is such a great poem. I can picture the sand and water as a perfect pair of undeniable truth and commitment. Day after day, year after year, always together, changing, shifting, playing and sometimes fighting with one another when storms create an uproar. Though their relationship is always changing, it's also everlasting. I came across the poem "Devotion" by Robert Frost in the book "Traces of Thoreau, a Cape Cod Journey" by Stephen Mulloney. Here Stephen follows Thoreau's path from Orleans to Provincetown along the shore in the 1850's. Stephen did this walk in 1998 observing not only the differences between The Cape from 150 years ago to now but also acknowledging and comparing their timeless similarities. I have dreamt of doing this very thing and am finding out that there are several modern day Thoreau's who have had the same desire to follow in his footsteps with awe and inspiration. I have thought a great deal about this and someday will set out my own journey to experience and write about what I love. I will continue reading and taking note of the importance of this connection and create in my own way, a new story of the role that the sea plays in my life and society today. I would like to write my perspective and keep the "devotion" alive for all the nature lovers who respect and admire our oceanside dwelling place.

Day 10 of 100 day challenge

Walking everyday and writing about it is way harder than I thought it'd be! I've set myself up for something that I want to do but it takes a lot of self motivation and creativity which is not how I feel every single day. Cold, grey, rainy days are not too inviting or invigorating to get out and enjoy nature. I'm doing my best though, some walks are short but I still learn and grow from each individual one. Being present and aware for that time, whether short or long, is a success for me. It's a daily meditation that makes me happy. I like challenges, things that evoke feelings and creating a balance of all the emotions I feel during my reflection of self. Determination and acceptance are a big part of staying focused on the goal, which is documenting the way I feel with incorporating this daily practice into my life. I'd like to continue with this for 365 days but I've started with a smaller goal, one not too overwhelming. This time of year is best to do this for me because I have more time available for walking and writing. I live at a slower pace during the winter and I'm glad i have these opportunities to experience what makes me feel whole. Spring, Summer and Fall months bring a very busy schedule for me with my gardening business and the amount of people around would not allow such serene, quiet places for me to be as focused. I feel lucky to be so passionate about something I love and it creates for me, a great sense of peace.

Winter strength

"In the winter scheme of things there are days that seem to made of a nearly indestructible symmetry. I know it to be in transition, but the landscape is so pure and precise, so bold and ironclad, as to invite me into a clean depth of its own. At low tide, and in the late afternoon, the offshore waters are bright blue, pushing in pack ice so that the distance is filled with a swishing roar, while along the beach is a hush, a winter silence." In Defense of Nature by John Hay.

I am loving this book and the way John Hay writes about nature. He describes the seasons and how the changes effect us. The way he sees the winter ocean is something I completely relate to. I want to write like him, he is so inspiring!

In the Footsteps of Thoreau

I started a new project yesterday where I will go for a walk everyday for 100 consecutive days and write about it. This isn't far from what i usually do but i'm going to consciously reflect on how getting out in nature everyday makes me feel. It's the best medication for me. I can relax, think and enjoy being. It doesn't have to be a remote place or desolate beach, just fresh air, sounds, smells, plants and animals. I'm keeping track of the duration of my walks, times, places, observations and inspirations. Today, at a house I'm taking care of, a collection of books on a small table in the hallway caught my eye. About 6 or 7 of them and the words Cape Cod on almost everyone. I'd come across some new material to read including "Cape Cod" by Thoreau and "Traces of Thoreau" by Stephen Mulloney. Also there was "The Outermost House" by Henry Beston, which I've read twice but will definitely read again. I began looking through "In the Footsteps of Thoreau, 25 historic & nature walks on Cape Cod," by Adam Gamble. Wow, this book is right along the lines of what I'm doing! I knew Thoreau writes about nature and walking but here is a guide to all of his walks and his reflections. So I didn't come up with this idea, but that's okay, it encourages me that what I'm doing is real and that others share in the same feelings about nature. Our connection fills us with excitement, joy and motivation. I'm excited to read these books and use "In the Footsteps of Thoreau" as a walking guide to new places I may have not yet discovered.

Todays totem

"The sky is the realm of the hawk. Through its flight it communicates with humans and with the creator spirit. It awakens our vision and inspires us to a creative life purpose." -Animal Speak by Ted Andrews

I was doing an at home yoga routine this morning and as i swept my arms up to the sides as instructed on the video, I gazed out the window to see a hawk swoop down from a tree and glide towards the lake and then back up again. It was a beautiful sight at a perfect moment in my practice. I felt honored to see the hawk and it was inspiring to keep my breath, body and mind in focus, not only for that moment but for the rest of my day.

The Great Beach

Written by John Hay, 1963
"Cape Cod's Outer Beach, stretching for forty miles from the tip of Provincetown to the end of Monomoy Island is not undiscovered country. Many men have walked it. Planes skim over it in no time at all, and the beach buggies bruise it with impunity. Still, the marks we make on it are all erased in time. The sea and sand insist in their own art. The beach is in a continuous state of remaking and invites discovery. It was first called "Great" so far as I know, by Henry David Thoreau. Otherwise it has been known for a long time as the Outer Beach, the Outer Shore, or in more familiar terms as the Back Side."