: driftwood paintings

Do what you love

I've always heard that if you do what you love you will be happy and I believe that because when I do what I love, I definitely am happy. Life doesn't always allow us to be doing something we are passionate about so we must make time for it and create that place where you can feel like you're doing something good for yourself. It's not selfish at all to take time doing things you love, it's a necessity.

For me writing is my passion. It's what I love to do and it fuels creativity. I build, sculpt, paint and draw often using nature as my medium. However, writing is the most effective outlet I've found so far. It does take effort and seeking of inspiration but mostly it comes naturally which feels best.

I love this quote that is read by Shiva Rea in one of her guided yoga practices. It reminds to keep on my path of seeking,writing,reflecting and conquering all my desires and fears.

"As a bee seeks nectar from all kinds of flowers,seek teachings everywhere; like a deer that finds a quiet place to graze, seek seclusion to digest all that you've gathered; like a madman beyond all limits go wherever you please and live like a lion, completely free of all fear."
--dzogchen

Cape Cod Girl

Being a native Cape Codder, born in Brewster 29 years ago, I am happy to call this place my home.
Growing up, I spent long days at the beach with the ocean as my playground. Being tossed around by the waves, having so much fun, feeling alive and care free. Those child hood memories will last a lifetime. We rode our bikes on the Rail Trail to the bay where I learned about tides, shorebirds, shellfish, and horseshoe crabs. I would find sea lettuce and sea pickles, having myself an afternoon snack.
We often visited the Herring run, National Seashore and Natural History Museum. There I was involved in all sorts of outdoor activities from hiking, sailing, fishing, and learning about our environment. I have so many fond memories that have shaped my life and who I am today, a nature lover.
Surrounded by such beauty, I feel lucky to be a part of this community. There is a sense of appreciation here as many activists work hard to protect the Cape's waters, parks, beaches and natural habitats.
I have become interested in reading books about Cape Cod written by local authors. I'm grateful to have found so many different authors who share a similar connection with nature.
I first came upon Henry David Thoreau and enjoyed reading about his reflections and stories of the times he spent here 150 years ago.
The Outermost House by Henry Beston is the story that intrigued me to write about my own experiences and inspirations.
The Great Beach and In Defense of Nature by John Hay have also introduced me to the world of nature writing. It's a positive outlet and evokes creativity to keep exploring what I love which is nature and writing.
During winter months on Cape Cod many people leave here because it's too quiet, cold, hard to find work and can be very grey and dreary.
This time however is when I can fully embrace where I live. The raw weather and lifestyle provides me with great strength and the ability to adapt. I have time to reflect on my surroundings which makes me calm, happy and content. Slowing down, going inward and allowing myself rest is a much needed process for me.
I do love summer days where I spend time gardening and enjoying the (somewhat) warmer water temps. The busy streets, traffic, tourists and jam packed beaches do not provide and serenity for me at all. Spring and Fall are both wonderful times of year and have their own great qualities but it's in the midst of winter where I find the most peace.
Walking desolate trails in Nickerson State Park, Great Island or Race Point, observing birds, shifting sandbars and changing seasons is what fuels my soul and warms my heart.

The Owl

The alarm went off at 7a.m and the first thing I thought of was how much work there was to do in the gardens but all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. The early mornings are cold now, making it difficult to get out from underneath the warm blankets. I'm laying there thinking of all the tasks ahead of me such as pruning, weeding, planting bulbs and taking down a vegetable garden. I began to feel overwhelmed and exhausted but I managed to muster up enough energy to get myself to work on time. I parked in driveway at the job, sipped the last few drops of my coffee, let out a deep sigh and slumped back into my seat.

I sat there for a few moments hoping to become motivated when a slight movement above caught my eye and I looked up to see an owl perched way up high in a tree. Its body was completely still; turning just its head slightly towards me, then back the other direction in a slow, fluid motion. Its dark brown feathers camouflaged with the bark of the pine tree.

Right away I felt welcomed and very glad to be there in it's presence. Seeing the owl took my mind off being tired and gave me a renewed sense of energy, wisdom and a connection with nature to assure me that I would get through the day. I meditated on the owl and gained a great amount of strength and inspiration.

I rarely see an owl but when I do I know it's something special. Last winter there was a snowy owl living on the outer beach in Orleans and I went out there almost everyday looking for it. I heard of its stark white beauty and had to have a glimpse. After countless hours, days and strained eyes I began to see every buoy or seagull as an owl. I finally accepted I wasn't going to see it but this year will hopefully be different.

Day lilies

Aptly named due to the fact that they open at sunrise and close at sunset.

The day lily garden in this picture is one that I prune weekly during it's blooming months of July and August. It's a long row of yellow flowers that stand tall with there slender stems of all different lengths and sizes. They require a lot of sun which makes this garden a hot one to be working in, especially this summer where temps have been in the high 80's. When I first begin snapping off the flowers that have passed and cutting down stems without new buds it seems so daunting because there's so much work but I move along quickly and soon see the results of how neat and tidy it looks. I find the act of pruning very meditative. It takes a lot of focus, precision, concentration, patience and knowledge of the plant. As I move along the row I feel content, calm and exactly where I'm supposed to be. This feeling makes me think of my mother who loved day lilies and had many in her garden. There I feel close to her, having a conversation about our love through nature. After several weeks of this abundant good feeling I have of her watching over me working in this particular bed I thought I should look up the symbolism for day lilies. There I found they mean "positive state" and "forgetting worries." Also in ancient China the flower was worn by women expecting a child in hopes that it would be a boy. Therefore they also represent "devotion to one's mother."

Once again nature reveals that my experiences are real and relevant, leaving me with comfort in my heart that my mom too can feel our connection.

The Bear

There is a bear on Cape Cod that I heard swam across the canal and is now on the loose. This is for real. Today I was working with a friend and i told her the story and she could "bear-ly" believe it! This friend named Anne I havn't seen in years and were catching up on how we are and what we do these days. We grew up together here and then she moved to California so it's been great to see and spend time with her again. She so sincerely said to me how sorry she is that my mother passed away. I shared with her how I am doing now and the things I have done to get through the hard times of grieving. Writing, counseling, and creativity have been my main outlet and the past few years i have been working very hard at keeping a spiritual connection with my mom. During the last two winters I have dedicated much time and energy to putting my journal entries into a book. I have focused on the positive outlook that dealing with this grief has given me. When I told Anne about my writings she was so glad to hear I was going about it in this way and she was proud of what I was doing. That made me feel so good and confident about it. When I talked out loud about it I then realized that it's time to get this book published so others can relate and learn useful tools in handling the death of a loved one. When this bear showed up on Cape Cod I thought this must have a meaning and this is what I read about the bear;
"The bear is a powerful symbol and image in both myth and lore teaching you to go inward and awaken your true potential.
In spring mother and cubs emerge from their den as the cubs become strong enough to follow their mother. This is tremendously significant when bear has shown up, reflecting a need to go deep within yourself, to have periods in your life when you can be more reclusive. During these times,you will be able to go within yourself and create ideas and projects.
Those with bear totems will find this cycle of semi-hibernation and reclusiveness during winter very natural. They will also find that with spring will come opportunities to act more assertively in regard to that which has been nursed through the winter months. Bear people should be patient though, as the cubs usually stay with their mother for up to two years. This can reflect that those projects you nursed may not come to full fruition until the second year of the cycle."
This month marks 2 years since I put my writings aside and said to myself that it will come out again when it's time to really make it happen. Last Friday Anne and I talked about me getting my book in print, the bear showed up a day or two later, then I looked up its meaning and it clearly states that it's time. My ideas have come to fruition and my project that I've been nursing has come to the end of it's second year cycle. I've been feeling lately there is something creative I must continue and this is it. Thank you Anne, thank you bear. I now feel connected again with my mom which I was seeming to be getting distant from.
"All bears have a great fondness for honey. Honey is the natural sweetness of life. It is a reminder to go within to awaken the power, bringing it out into the open and applying it allowing the honey of life to be tasted."
(all text with quotations from Animal Speak by Ted Andrews)

Birds

Listening to their sounds and song makes me whole, content and present.