Birds

Listening to their sounds and song makes me whole, content and present.

Guiding light

I've been painting daffodils on driftwood that I've been collecting, it's been a great project for me, successful and fun! First I drew the flowers on paper and was happy with the outcome and then remembered the pieces of driftwood I've found and been drying out for an idea just like this. I plan to give them as gifts to my family on the anniversary of my Moms death which is coming up, April 4th. It's been 3 years and i miss her so much, we all do. This time in mid March I begin to get sad, agitated and angry because it was now when Mom decided to not have a heart transplant and she came home with Hospice care. Why didn't we push her to get a new heart? Why didn't I spend more time with her and tell her I love her? All these questions still haunt me and especially during these 3 weeks. Being creative during this time helps turn my focus to positive thoughts and memories of Mom. It's still really tough though.
So far I had 5 driftwood pieces suitable to paint but once I got going I realized I wanted to paint more. The daffodils to me represent beauty, springtime, strength, and the yellow reminds me of my Mothers blonde hair. Also, they make me think of Brewster in Bloom which was one of Moms favorite times to have a picnic with family and friends in our yard to enjoy the parade, food, fun and each others company. This time of year really hits home for me and my longing for her love.
Today I woke up early to walk on the beach with my dog Kaya before work. It was cold and overcast but the fresh air felt fantastic. I looked around a little bit for more driftwood but didn't find anything spectacular and at this point dry enough to paint on soon. As I started my walk back towards the path to the parking lot, a bright stream of sunlight beamed out of the clouds and struck the right side of my face causing me to squint and become disoriented. I turned towards the sun, saw it glistening on the water and felt it's warmth all over my face. I looked down and right there was a perfect driftwood piece to paint on! I know it was Mom who shined down on me and opened my eyes to what I was looking for, not only the driftwood but also a connection and sign from her. I walked to the waters edge to thank her and in the sand I wrote a message.
"I love you Mom so much. Thank you for being my guiding light."
I felt close to her and visited which makes me smile.

Devotion

"The heart can think of no devotion
Greater than being shore to the ocean-
Holding the curve of one position,
Counting an endless repetition"
Robert Frost

This is such a great poem. I can picture the sand and water as a perfect pair of undeniable truth and commitment. Day after day, year after year, always together, changing, shifting, playing and sometimes fighting with one another when storms create an uproar. Though their relationship is always changing, it's also everlasting. I came across the poem "Devotion" by Robert Frost in the book "Traces of Thoreau, a Cape Cod Journey" by Stephen Mulloney. Here Stephen follows Thoreau's path from Orleans to Provincetown along the shore in the 1850's. Stephen did this walk in 1998 observing not only the differences between The Cape from 150 years ago to now but also acknowledging and comparing their timeless similarities. I have dreamt of doing this very thing and am finding out that there are several modern day Thoreau's who have had the same desire to follow in his footsteps with awe and inspiration. I have thought a great deal about this and someday will set out my own journey to experience and write about what I love. I will continue reading and taking note of the importance of this connection and create in my own way, a new story of the role that the sea plays in my life and society today. I would like to write my perspective and keep the "devotion" alive for all the nature lovers who respect and admire our oceanside dwelling place.