ask for help

I ask my guides to help me, to calm me down, to teach me how to learn and grow...To understand, to go deeper, to be present and engaged.

To be honest, open and aware. Reflecting love, giving my best, making others feel good, happy, important.

 I call on my guides to send love and positivity to my family and my friends.

"Please help me always be open and ready to accept what may come my way."

Being stuck, sad, confused or hurt is natural. Going through those emotions is necessary for change.

Be yourself. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Always open your heart and allow positive energy to flow through your being, your mind, your body.

Take action, be true to yourself.

Push hard. But know how to slow down, go inward, listen, act, move forward.

Never hesitate to call on your angels to guide you. It will do no harm. They're only there to help, never put you down.

"Please allow me courage and strength, help me through these wandering thoughts and fears."

When I ask for support, I feel a sense of weight lifted off my shoulders.

I feel light.

I feel loved.

Spend time in nature everyday

This is what I was thinking about as I set out on my walk this afternoon,spending time in nature everyday.  Here I can relax and rejuvenate just by the fresh air, sounds of birds singing, waves crashing, nearby cars driving by or workers tools rumbling in the distance, but all the noises just fade away and I listen closely to nature.

 I think about what I love. Walking my dog Kaya, being creative, writing, smiling, working hard, playing hard, loving my family, my friends and myself.

I take this special time everyday also thinking of ones I miss. Especially my mom. Today as I walked through the woods, I talked out loud to her. 

I said "hi mom, I miss you."

Without anytime in between I heard a response, "Hi Gracie"

It made me jump! I've talked with her before and heard her voice but this time it was way more clear than ever. I recognized her soft, calm tone, the way she said "Hi."

I knew it was her, she's one of the few who call me Gracie.

I began crying and continued talking aloud, "thank you mom for being here."

I continued walking and something literally grabbed my arm at the elbow like someone does to turn you around if you walk away from them. It spun me around and faced me toward a bright beam of sunlight streaming down through the trees right onto my face. I looked up to the sky, and felt a hand placed upon my left shoulder. 

I could smell her.

She whispered in my ear, "I am here,"

I began sobbing.

"Mom I miss you, we all miss you. Abby, Hope, Silas, Abe, the boys, Dad, Carrie Ann, Grandma, Steve, Nancy, Kaya."

Still standing close behind my left shoulder she said softly "I'm okay here, it's nice, different from there, you don't feel the pain of sadness here."

I cryed harder.

I decided to keep walking and move along as this seemed so unreal to me, I was experiencing a conversation with my mom who passed almost five years ago.

I took a few steps and she followed close behind.

I said "you're gonna walk with me mom?"

She said "Yes."

Now I'm almost gasping for air with disbelief that this was happening.

I said "please keep walking with me mom, thank you so much for being here."

 

She followed along only a few steps behind.

I realized today would be 2 weeks before she passed away on April 4th, 2009 which is right around the date when she decided at the hospital to not have a heart transplant and to return home with hospice care. 

Every year at this time is when I've been visited by her so vividly, I hadn't realized this consistency really until now.

I said to her as she still followed close behind "this is when you've been here next to me before mom, isn't it? When you made that decision 5 years ago, it was almost to this day, to this hour, right?"

Another response, "Yes."

I stopped abruptly and turned around, I really could feel here there, here the footsteps.  I could see her outline clearly but with not a lot of detail. I said, "will you follow me to the bay Mom, till we can see the water?" (which was only a short distance up the trail)

She said "Yes," came along my right side, hooked her left arm into my right arm and I could feel her warmth and pressure. We walked a few feet and as the trail narrowed she stepped back behind me letting go of my arm.

I again thanked her.

She said she could only stay until we saw the water and then she'd have to go. I said that was ok.

We neared the top off the bluff and my tears were still flowing as I knew this deep connection would soon fade away.

The calm bay on a beautiful Spring afternoon was a deep blue.

As I stood there for only a second I felt something rush over my right shoulder as a swooping beam of white light traveled quickly through the trees, down the dune, over the sand and soared right above the water for a short distance until it vanished up into the air.

I stood there in awe.

I grabbed a stick that was lying on the ground next to me and drew a heart in the dirt with MOM scratched in the middle.

I closed my eyes and thanked her once again for such an amazing prescense.

I thought she was gone as I didn't feel her next to me anymore but as I turned to leave I heard a faint voice far, far off in the distance whispering.....

 "I'm always here."

Balance

Everything in my life seemed like it was all in a row and I thought that I should be feeling fullfilled and centered, but there was still something missing.

I have come to terms with my financial status....broke...I've finally made it a priority to pay bills first before going out to dinner or buying something new like a sweater or pair of jeans that I've been dying to have but really don't need. It's taken awhile to learn this. 

I have a great home, good job and amazing family, friends and relationship.

I'm in good health (after a horrible bout of food poisoning on my 30th birthday, poison ivy on Christmas Eve and the flu over New Years) Yeah! It was bad run, but I'm better now!

So why was there still a hole in my heart?

I'm feeling better. I'm more financially aware. I exercise. I'm loved. I'm happy.

I spend my days thoroughly enjoying nature, walking with my dog, making art, writing, enjoying company of loved ones, laughing, pampering, and always smiling.

I just kept going on with my days feeling content but not fulfilled. I had no connection within myself after exerting my energy in all different directions day after day.

I thought I knew the answer but I didn't fully believe that it could fill in the empty space.

So I ignored it.

The answer is yoga and mediation.  I haven't been practicing at all. I haven't taken time to slow down, go inward, unwind or listen to my inner voice.

I read this quote and it changed my outlook.

Ego says; "Once everything falls into place, I will find peace"

Spirit says; "Find peace and everything will fall into place."

Everything seemed to be in its place for me.

But expected I would naturally feel in control of the longing in my heart. 

The longing to be in touch with my soul, my passions and inspirations. 

I thought I'd feel peace now that things were good in my life. 

But I didn't.

About 2 weeks ago I finally got down on my yoga mat for a series of sun salutations, stretches and mediation.

Just the ten minutes that day was EXACTLY what I needed.

To tend to my heart, my breath, to reflect and feel at ease.

I've now made it a point to go inward everyday.  Whether it be 2 mins or 20, anytime amount of time is important to me. Anytime of the day is good and if I happen to miss a day, I don't beat myself up over it, I just know the tool is always there for me. For that realization, I'm thankful.

I have practiced yoga and meditation throughout my life and know about its amazing benefits and it is the key to keeping balance. Sometimes I need a reminder of that.

I will continue making this a part of my everyday life.

I have found peace and now even more great things are falling into place!

"An attitude of gratitude brings opportunities." -Yogi tea

-Grace

28 times :: poem by Dusty Finch

Time is precious, every moment of breath.

The life I lead may time my death. 

Time is paid, if turned into work.

Time is made, if not forsook.

Time is teaching, adding to.

Time is reaching, breaking through.

Time is costly, taken from its store,

where time accumulates, dates and

dates and more and more.

Time is distant, time is near.

Time is resistant, time is dear.

Time is persistent, without fear.

Time and time and time again,

Time stands the test. 

Time dictates rhyme and time will 

tell, if I have redeemed the time,

and spent it well, gave my best.

For when my time becomes at stake 

and lo' no other breath I take,

Time will always be exsistant 

Time to measure

Time to treasure

Time to wait, for an instant

or forever.

Now's the time to navigate my 

soul between timelines of fate.

Past earthly shoals and enter in 

a blessed time of Peace within.

                                      Mom and I in Oregon, 2002

                                     

Go with the flow

        

                                

    This quote makes so much sense to me. When things go wrong or not as planned i so easily get upset and want to give up but I've learned that behavior won't ever get me to my destination. I've had many circumstances happen lately that have tested my patience and completely thrown me off coarse. But with accepting, understanding, forgiving and trusting, I can get through those tough situations with better ease by adjusting my sails and moving forward.