: driftwood paintings

Do what you love

I've always heard that if you do what you love you will be happy and I believe that because when I do what I love, I definitely am happy. Life doesn't always allow us to be doing something we are passionate about so we must make time for it and create that place where you can feel like you're doing something good for yourself. It's not selfish at all to take time doing things you love, it's a necessity.

For me writing is my passion. It's what I love to do and it fuels creativity. I build, sculpt, paint and draw often using nature as my medium. However, writing is the most effective outlet I've found so far. It does take effort and seeking of inspiration but mostly it comes naturally which feels best.

I love this quote that is read by Shiva Rea in one of her guided yoga practices. It reminds to keep on my path of seeking,writing,reflecting and conquering all my desires and fears.

"As a bee seeks nectar from all kinds of flowers,seek teachings everywhere; like a deer that finds a quiet place to graze, seek seclusion to digest all that you've gathered; like a madman beyond all limits go wherever you please and live like a lion, completely free of all fear."
--dzogchen

Cape Cod Girl

Being a native Cape Codder, born in Brewster 29 years ago, I am happy to call this place my home.
Growing up, I spent long days at the beach with the ocean as my playground. Being tossed around by the waves, having so much fun, feeling alive and care free. Those child hood memories will last a lifetime. We rode our bikes on the Rail Trail to the bay where I learned about tides, shorebirds, shellfish, and horseshoe crabs. I would find sea lettuce and sea pickles, having myself an afternoon snack.
We often visited the Herring run, National Seashore and Natural History Museum. There I was involved in all sorts of outdoor activities from hiking, sailing, fishing, and learning about our environment. I have so many fond memories that have shaped my life and who I am today, a nature lover.
Surrounded by such beauty, I feel lucky to be a part of this community. There is a sense of appreciation here as many activists work hard to protect the Cape's waters, parks, beaches and natural habitats.
I have become interested in reading books about Cape Cod written by local authors. I'm grateful to have found so many different authors who share a similar connection with nature.
I first came upon Henry David Thoreau and enjoyed reading about his reflections and stories of the times he spent here 150 years ago.
The Outermost House by Henry Beston is the story that intrigued me to write about my own experiences and inspirations.
The Great Beach and In Defense of Nature by John Hay have also introduced me to the world of nature writing. It's a positive outlet and evokes creativity to keep exploring what I love which is nature and writing.
During winter months on Cape Cod many people leave here because it's too quiet, cold, hard to find work and can be very grey and dreary.
This time however is when I can fully embrace where I live. The raw weather and lifestyle provides me with great strength and the ability to adapt. I have time to reflect on my surroundings which makes me calm, happy and content. Slowing down, going inward and allowing myself rest is a much needed process for me.
I do love summer days where I spend time gardening and enjoying the (somewhat) warmer water temps. The busy streets, traffic, tourists and jam packed beaches do not provide and serenity for me at all. Spring and Fall are both wonderful times of year and have their own great qualities but it's in the midst of winter where I find the most peace.
Walking desolate trails in Nickerson State Park, Great Island or Race Point, observing birds, shifting sandbars and changing seasons is what fuels my soul and warms my heart.

The Owl

The alarm went off at 7a.m and the first thing I thought of was how much work there was to do in the gardens but all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. The early mornings are cold now, making it difficult to get out from underneath the warm blankets. I'm laying there thinking of all the tasks ahead of me such as pruning, weeding, planting bulbs and taking down a vegetable garden. I began to feel overwhelmed and exhausted but I managed to muster up enough energy to get myself to work on time. I parked in driveway at the job, sipped the last few drops of my coffee, let out a deep sigh and slumped back into my seat.

I sat there for a few moments hoping to become motivated when a slight movement above caught my eye and I looked up to see an owl perched way up high in a tree. Its body was completely still; turning just its head slightly towards me, then back the other direction in a slow, fluid motion. Its dark brown feathers camouflaged with the bark of the pine tree.

Right away I felt welcomed and very glad to be there in it's presence. Seeing the owl took my mind off being tired and gave me a renewed sense of energy, wisdom and a connection with nature to assure me that I would get through the day. I meditated on the owl and gained a great amount of strength and inspiration.

I rarely see an owl but when I do I know it's something special. Last winter there was a snowy owl living on the outer beach in Orleans and I went out there almost everyday looking for it. I heard of its stark white beauty and had to have a glimpse. After countless hours, days and strained eyes I began to see every buoy or seagull as an owl. I finally accepted I wasn't going to see it but this year will hopefully be different.

Day lilies

Aptly named due to the fact that they open at sunrise and close at sunset.

The day lily garden in this picture is one that I prune weekly during it's blooming months of July and August. It's a long row of yellow flowers that stand tall with there slender stems of all different lengths and sizes. They require a lot of sun which makes this garden a hot one to be working in, especially this summer where temps have been in the high 80's. When I first begin snapping off the flowers that have passed and cutting down stems without new buds it seems so daunting because there's so much work but I move along quickly and soon see the results of how neat and tidy it looks. I find the act of pruning very meditative. It takes a lot of focus, precision, concentration, patience and knowledge of the plant. As I move along the row I feel content, calm and exactly where I'm supposed to be. This feeling makes me think of my mother who loved day lilies and had many in her garden. There I feel close to her, having a conversation about our love through nature. After several weeks of this abundant good feeling I have of her watching over me working in this particular bed I thought I should look up the symbolism for day lilies. There I found they mean "positive state" and "forgetting worries." Also in ancient China the flower was worn by women expecting a child in hopes that it would be a boy. Therefore they also represent "devotion to one's mother."

Once again nature reveals that my experiences are real and relevant, leaving me with comfort in my heart that my mom too can feel our connection.

The Bear

There is a bear on Cape Cod that I heard swam across the canal and is now on the loose. This is for real. Today I was working with a friend and i told her the story and she could "bear-ly" believe it! This friend named Anne I havn't seen in years and were catching up on how we are and what we do these days. We grew up together here and then she moved to California so it's been great to see and spend time with her again. She so sincerely said to me how sorry she is that my mother passed away. I shared with her how I am doing now and the things I have done to get through the hard times of grieving. Writing, counseling, and creativity have been my main outlet and the past few years i have been working very hard at keeping a spiritual connection with my mom. During the last two winters I have dedicated much time and energy to putting my journal entries into a book. I have focused on the positive outlook that dealing with this grief has given me. When I told Anne about my writings she was so glad to hear I was going about it in this way and she was proud of what I was doing. That made me feel so good and confident about it. When I talked out loud about it I then realized that it's time to get this book published so others can relate and learn useful tools in handling the death of a loved one. When this bear showed up on Cape Cod I thought this must have a meaning and this is what I read about the bear;
"The bear is a powerful symbol and image in both myth and lore teaching you to go inward and awaken your true potential.
In spring mother and cubs emerge from their den as the cubs become strong enough to follow their mother. This is tremendously significant when bear has shown up, reflecting a need to go deep within yourself, to have periods in your life when you can be more reclusive. During these times,you will be able to go within yourself and create ideas and projects.
Those with bear totems will find this cycle of semi-hibernation and reclusiveness during winter very natural. They will also find that with spring will come opportunities to act more assertively in regard to that which has been nursed through the winter months. Bear people should be patient though, as the cubs usually stay with their mother for up to two years. This can reflect that those projects you nursed may not come to full fruition until the second year of the cycle."
This month marks 2 years since I put my writings aside and said to myself that it will come out again when it's time to really make it happen. Last Friday Anne and I talked about me getting my book in print, the bear showed up a day or two later, then I looked up its meaning and it clearly states that it's time. My ideas have come to fruition and my project that I've been nursing has come to the end of it's second year cycle. I've been feeling lately there is something creative I must continue and this is it. Thank you Anne, thank you bear. I now feel connected again with my mom which I was seeming to be getting distant from.
"All bears have a great fondness for honey. Honey is the natural sweetness of life. It is a reminder to go within to awaken the power, bringing it out into the open and applying it allowing the honey of life to be tasted."
(all text with quotations from Animal Speak by Ted Andrews)

Birds

Listening to their sounds and song makes me whole, content and present.

Guiding light

I've been painting daffodils on driftwood that I've been collecting, it's been a great project for me, successful and fun! First I drew the flowers on paper and was happy with the outcome and then remembered the pieces of driftwood I've found and been drying out for an idea just like this. I plan to give them as gifts to my family on the anniversary of my Moms death which is coming up, April 4th. It's been 3 years and i miss her so much, we all do. This time in mid March I begin to get sad, agitated and angry because it was now when Mom decided to not have a heart transplant and she came home with Hospice care. Why didn't we push her to get a new heart? Why didn't I spend more time with her and tell her I love her? All these questions still haunt me and especially during these 3 weeks. Being creative during this time helps turn my focus to positive thoughts and memories of Mom. It's still really tough though.
So far I had 5 driftwood pieces suitable to paint but once I got going I realized I wanted to paint more. The daffodils to me represent beauty, springtime, strength, and the yellow reminds me of my Mothers blonde hair. Also, they make me think of Brewster in Bloom which was one of Moms favorite times to have a picnic with family and friends in our yard to enjoy the parade, food, fun and each others company. This time of year really hits home for me and my longing for her love.
Today I woke up early to walk on the beach with my dog Kaya before work. It was cold and overcast but the fresh air felt fantastic. I looked around a little bit for more driftwood but didn't find anything spectacular and at this point dry enough to paint on soon. As I started my walk back towards the path to the parking lot, a bright stream of sunlight beamed out of the clouds and struck the right side of my face causing me to squint and become disoriented. I turned towards the sun, saw it glistening on the water and felt it's warmth all over my face. I looked down and right there was a perfect driftwood piece to paint on! I know it was Mom who shined down on me and opened my eyes to what I was looking for, not only the driftwood but also a connection and sign from her. I walked to the waters edge to thank her and in the sand I wrote a message.
"I love you Mom so much. Thank you for being my guiding light."
I felt close to her and visited which makes me smile.

Devotion

"The heart can think of no devotion
Greater than being shore to the ocean-
Holding the curve of one position,
Counting an endless repetition"
Robert Frost

This is such a great poem. I can picture the sand and water as a perfect pair of undeniable truth and commitment. Day after day, year after year, always together, changing, shifting, playing and sometimes fighting with one another when storms create an uproar. Though their relationship is always changing, it's also everlasting. I came across the poem "Devotion" by Robert Frost in the book "Traces of Thoreau, a Cape Cod Journey" by Stephen Mulloney. Here Stephen follows Thoreau's path from Orleans to Provincetown along the shore in the 1850's. Stephen did this walk in 1998 observing not only the differences between The Cape from 150 years ago to now but also acknowledging and comparing their timeless similarities. I have dreamt of doing this very thing and am finding out that there are several modern day Thoreau's who have had the same desire to follow in his footsteps with awe and inspiration. I have thought a great deal about this and someday will set out my own journey to experience and write about what I love. I will continue reading and taking note of the importance of this connection and create in my own way, a new story of the role that the sea plays in my life and society today. I would like to write my perspective and keep the "devotion" alive for all the nature lovers who respect and admire our oceanside dwelling place.

Day 10 of 100 day challenge

Walking everyday and writing about it is way harder than I thought it'd be! I've set myself up for something that I want to do but it takes a lot of self motivation and creativity which is not how I feel every single day. Cold, grey, rainy days are not too inviting or invigorating to get out and enjoy nature. I'm doing my best though, some walks are short but I still learn and grow from each individual one. Being present and aware for that time, whether short or long, is a success for me. It's a daily meditation that makes me happy. I like challenges, things that evoke feelings and creating a balance of all the emotions I feel during my reflection of self. Determination and acceptance are a big part of staying focused on the goal, which is documenting the way I feel with incorporating this daily practice into my life. I'd like to continue with this for 365 days but I've started with a smaller goal, one not too overwhelming. This time of year is best to do this for me because I have more time available for walking and writing. I live at a slower pace during the winter and I'm glad i have these opportunities to experience what makes me feel whole. Spring, Summer and Fall months bring a very busy schedule for me with my gardening business and the amount of people around would not allow such serene, quiet places for me to be as focused. I feel lucky to be so passionate about something I love and it creates for me, a great sense of peace.

Winter strength

"In the winter scheme of things there are days that seem to made of a nearly indestructible symmetry. I know it to be in transition, but the landscape is so pure and precise, so bold and ironclad, as to invite me into a clean depth of its own. At low tide, and in the late afternoon, the offshore waters are bright blue, pushing in pack ice so that the distance is filled with a swishing roar, while along the beach is a hush, a winter silence." In Defense of Nature by John Hay.

I am loving this book and the way John Hay writes about nature. He describes the seasons and how the changes effect us. The way he sees the winter ocean is something I completely relate to. I want to write like him, he is so inspiring!

In the Footsteps of Thoreau

I started a new project yesterday where I will go for a walk everyday for 100 consecutive days and write about it. This isn't far from what i usually do but i'm going to consciously reflect on how getting out in nature everyday makes me feel. It's the best medication for me. I can relax, think and enjoy being. It doesn't have to be a remote place or desolate beach, just fresh air, sounds, smells, plants and animals. I'm keeping track of the duration of my walks, times, places, observations and inspirations. Today, at a house I'm taking care of, a collection of books on a small table in the hallway caught my eye. About 6 or 7 of them and the words Cape Cod on almost everyone. I'd come across some new material to read including "Cape Cod" by Thoreau and "Traces of Thoreau" by Stephen Mulloney. Also there was "The Outermost House" by Henry Beston, which I've read twice but will definitely read again. I began looking through "In the Footsteps of Thoreau, 25 historic & nature walks on Cape Cod," by Adam Gamble. Wow, this book is right along the lines of what I'm doing! I knew Thoreau writes about nature and walking but here is a guide to all of his walks and his reflections. So I didn't come up with this idea, but that's okay, it encourages me that what I'm doing is real and that others share in the same feelings about nature. Our connection fills us with excitement, joy and motivation. I'm excited to read these books and use "In the Footsteps of Thoreau" as a walking guide to new places I may have not yet discovered.

Todays totem

"The sky is the realm of the hawk. Through its flight it communicates with humans and with the creator spirit. It awakens our vision and inspires us to a creative life purpose." -Animal Speak by Ted Andrews

I was doing an at home yoga routine this morning and as i swept my arms up to the sides as instructed on the video, I gazed out the window to see a hawk swoop down from a tree and glide towards the lake and then back up again. It was a beautiful sight at a perfect moment in my practice. I felt honored to see the hawk and it was inspiring to keep my breath, body and mind in focus, not only for that moment but for the rest of my day.

The Great Beach

Written by John Hay, 1963
"Cape Cod's Outer Beach, stretching for forty miles from the tip of Provincetown to the end of Monomoy Island is not undiscovered country. Many men have walked it. Planes skim over it in no time at all, and the beach buggies bruise it with impunity. Still, the marks we make on it are all erased in time. The sea and sand insist in their own art. The beach is in a continuous state of remaking and invites discovery. It was first called "Great" so far as I know, by Henry David Thoreau. Otherwise it has been known for a long time as the Outer Beach, the Outer Shore, or in more familiar terms as the Back Side."

Jonathan Livingston Seagull

The book written by Richard Bach is a story about a seagull learning about life, flight and self-perfection. It was published in 1970 and by 1972 had sold over a million copies, coming in as #1 on the N.Y. Times Bestseller list for 38 weeks straight.
Jonathan is frustrated with the seagull life of squabbling over food, boredom and materialism. He seeks a new passion for flight and sets out on many journeys. He reaches new heights and learns everything he can by meeting new gulls who also love to fly. His teacher shows him how to "move instantaneously to anywhere in the universe." I see this as similar to meditation. It's like taking your mind to new dimensions by focusing, practice and dedication. The story is inspiring to take new chances, reach new heights and try new things. This book has much more to it than I explained here and I encourage you to read it, its short, about 100 pages. I loved the book when I first read it, so I borrowed the movie from a friend and enjoyed that too. Now I also own the book on record that a found while rummaging at the Truro swap shop. All are equally great but the book is my favorite because as a read it in my own voice I can relate to Jonathan and his humble attitude about his choices and desire to share his happiness with everyone. This is a wonderful story with great imagination!
Today as I walked along the beach of Nauset Inlet I saw this lone seagull sitting on a rock and taking in the beauty of it's surroundings just as I was. I thought of Jonathan and remembered the great inspiration he gives me so I came home and read the book again. It's still just as good and I would recommend it to anyone.

Flowers

in bloom on January 31st.

"Whenever I reflect on Nature, I think of unspoiled places with timeless scenery and infinite potential, of towering forests, snowcapped mountains, fields of wildflowers and hungry bees to pollinate them. Whatever nature means to me, it almost always involves an absence of people. From a purely academic perspective, people and nature are irrefutably interconnected. We slithered out of the seas some 400 million years ago and continue to live, breathe, die. Sure we can be in nature, and some of us claim to "commune" with her. But to fully appreciate the gifts that nature provides, one must revere her strength, her genuine, untainted beauty."
"Nature's Splendors" by Abbe Pascal

Mastery

"Dedication to the pursuit of spiritual wisdom and the common sense use of that wisdom have filled the initiate's life with such joy of being that she cannot help but express it through her daily interaction with the world." -Shapeshifter by D.J.Conway and Sirona Knight

This is so true for me. I chose a tarot card this morning and it once again was very reassuring that my connections with nature are real and relevant. I feel very dedicated to the spiritual world and always make time and effort to acknowledge it everyday. I honestly just can't help it, it comes from the heart and makes me feel so good. At times I've ignored it or pushed it away but lately I've fully embraced the wisdom I have achieved and celebrate the joy of being.

Well said

"A viable future needs it's champions, those who will defend not only their own self-interest but function and belonging in nature."
- John Hay
Brewster, MA
(from "In Defense of Nature")

Cape Cod Rail Trail

As I walked along the trail today, I enjoyed it's beauty and began to think about the history and important role it played in Cape Cod's development. I did some research about the railroad and came across many pictures from the 1940's and was intrigued by the difference of how the Cape Cod Rail Trail looks today.

From its 1848 arrival in Sandwich, the railroad had played a varied and vital role on Cape Cod with 94 miles of track connecting Buzzards Bay,Woods Hole, Hyannis and Provincetown. The rail service helped encourage tourism by providing reliable transportation for visitors and for the goods to fuel the growing regional economy. One of the Cape's earliest rail travelers in 1849 was Henry David Thoreau who is one of my favorite nature writers. In the 1930's the automobile began offering independence from the train schedule and the importance of it soon surpassed so the track was reduced to 38 miles. By 1959 the railroad was no longer used as passenger service and mainly just for delivering cargo and goods until the late 60's when it was shut down indefinitely.

In the mid 70's the tracks were torn up and all station houses removed. Shortly after that the trail was paved piece by piece throughout the towns and used primarily for recreation. Now the paved path runs 28 miles along the abandoned railroad bed from S. Dennis to Wellfleet. Bicyclers, walkers, joggers and horseback riders all enjoy the trail. It is a pleasant ride along a natural Cape landscape and offers a variety of scenery from marshes, ponds, Cape Cod Bay and foliage throughout all the seasons. I have used the trail since I was very young and I feel a strong connection to it's history of passengers
whom also came here to be inspired by this special place.

Dolphin

"When dolphin shows up it is time to breathe some new life into yourself. Get out, play, explore and most of all breathe."
-Ted Andrews, Animal Speak

This totem is right on point today. There has been some dolphin strandings at nearby beaches and I read about them yesterday on a friends Facebook page. 6 were stranded because of the drastic tides here that go out so far and so quickly. 5 of them were saved but one had already died when the IFAW(international Fund for Animal Welfare) team arrived. It was sad to hear about the one that didn't make it but i do understand that death is a part of the natural world and these kind of things happen in the cycle of life.
I went to wellfleet today to stop by the free shop and go for a walk. I went to Indian Neck Beach which is across a small bay from where the dolphins had been stranded on Great Island. Sure enough over the night the one dolphin left behind had been taken by the tide across the bay and beached on the one that I chose to walk on today. It was like something pulled me in that direction. I am thankful to have had came upon the dolphin as I said a prayer for it knowing my thoughts and words were heard.

Fire

So warm by the wood stove right now, I love it! I wrote down a few pages of things that are bothering me or holding me back from feeling the best I can. I crumpled up the paper and threw it in the fire knowing it'll help rid of those negative thoughts I was having. It felt great watching them catch fire and disappear. Slowly they burned and I feel happiness by ridding of those confining emotions.

Animal-Speak by Ted Andrews

This is one of my favorite books that belonged to my Mother. You look up an animal, bird or reptile that you have encountered or thought of and it gives you the meaning of their roles within your life.

"The natural world and the animals within it speak to us everyday: by their appearances, behaviors, movements, and characteristic patterns. When we know what to look for, we can use them as omens-not in a superstitious sense, but in the development of true prophecy and higher perception."
-Ted Andrews

This morning I sat down on the couch with my coffee and put on the movie Dolphin Tale that I'd been watching the night before but didn't finish. It's a good movie, kinda sad but inspiring. Im tired, a little under the weather, bored, broke and thinking about all the bills that need to be paid. Also missing my Mom and wishing I felt inspired to get up and do something productive. I looked outside as a shadow caught my eye and a big crow landed on a branch just outside my window. It bounced and swayed on the branch as the winter wind was blowing hard through the trees. I studied its dark black shiny feathers and strong stance. It stayed there for a few minutes and I knew it was a sign from nature giving me a glimpse of what I know is within me, creativity, strength and motivation. So I got up to get my Animal Speak book off the shelf and read about crows;

"Wherever crows are, there is magic. They are symbols of creation and spiritual strength. They remind us to look for opportunities to create and manifest the magic of life. They are messengers calling to us about the creation and magic that is alive within our world everyday and available to us." -Ted Andrews

This was perfect! Usually I don't look at crows as a sign of inspiration but it reminded me today, to open my eyes to everything in nature. It gave me a topic to write about, contemplate and focus on and now I feel a whole lot better.

Creating

I love making things in nature. It has been an outlet of mine for a long time but the last few years I have really used nature as my canvas. I began creating hearts in the sand in memory of my Mother who passed away almost 3 years ago. The first time that I knelt down in the sand and drew a heart for her was an amazing experience. I could feel her looking down at me from the heavens and smiling at my creation for her. I continued making hearts on the beach, in the woods or anywhere it felt right. I make them out of natural elements such as stones and sticks and always leave them behind. It is so healing for me and as I make them I talk aloud to my Mom telling her how much I miss and love her. I share pictures of my hearts in a book that I have written about my path of grief and how nature, writing and creativity have been my greatest tools for coping with loss. I want to publish my writings and will share them as soon as that happens. Today I set out on a walk with intentions to create and feel a connection with my Mom. I was walking through the woods where I found a piece of twine stuck in some branches. I unravelled it and carried it along with me thinking of something that i could make out of it. I was at Fort Hill which is where the first recorded Native Americans made a fort on the hill overlooking the ocean so they could see incoming boats. There is this really neat rock there that has scrapes, grooves and smooth areas where the Indians would sharpen their tools such as knives, axes and arrows. There is much Native American history here and it always makes me feel safe and content when I'm walking the trails that they once inhabited. I was still wondering what to make out of my twine as I thought of my Mom and her love for Native American art and culture. Then I knew what to make, a dream catcher. I walked around looking for a round circular shape already made naturally by branches and trees. It took a little while until I found it. In the sun in a nice quiet place I started by tying a knot at the top of the thorny branch and looping it around in a clockwise direction over and over until it was complete. I added a few ferns hanging off the bottom that were blowing along the path by my feet. It came out perfect. I thanked my Mom and the energy of the Native Americans for aiding in my creation. I sat down in front of my dream catcher with the sun beating down on my face and meditated for a few minutes. It was the spiritual connection I'd been longing for and I am "catching my dreams" by seeking guidance, change, movement and creative inspiration.

Patience

It sure is a virtue! (which means positive trait or admirable quality.) It is something that I have to work on daily and constantly remind myself of, to calm down, relax and enjoy the moment. Tonight I'm waiting at the bus stop for my boyfriend who's returning from a week long trip in California. He was supposed to arrive 15 mins ago and just texted that it would be another 30. The wait isn't making me mad or frustrated I'm just excited to see him and recognizing the need to remind myself to do something positive right now rather than be bored or stare at the bus stop entrance until his arrival. I was just messaging with a friend who said how cliche it was that I'm waiting at the bus stop for my lover in the rain. It is a perfect night, misty, nice temperature and not too cold for January. It is romantic and exciting to see him here on this evening of glistening pavement and my hearts racing everytime a bus pulls in. We have been together for 8 years this February and patience throughout our relationship has been a key tool to our happiness and lives together. It takes hard work to understand someone else and to be patient with them but it's the best thing you can do for each other.

I take care of a friend of mines son who is autistic. I have known him sine he was about 10 and he is 23 now. He cannot communicate well with anyone and it is hard at times when he repeats himself and cannot control his body movements. It's sad and i try to be as kind and accepting as I can. Often i have repeat the word patience over and over again to get through the most difficult times. It's rewarding to just let him take his time without becoming aggravated.

Another time I focus on patience is in my yoga classes. The Bikram (hot yoga,) I've been taking is very challenging. Sometimes I get down on myself for not feeling like I accomplished the right pose or if I lost my balance too quickly. I just take a deep breath and know that i will get better with more practice, time and patience.

Laughter

To feel a triumphant or exultant sense of well-being.

One of the best things that I enjoy everyday is laughing. It makes me happy and content to be surrounded by people and things that make me laugh. It creates a feeling of being alive and present. My sisters and I recently laughed so hard it made us cry. I was beat red, body shaking and could barely hold it together when the waiter came to our table. It was fun and reminded me of being young in church with my sisters and laughing uncontrollably while the room was silent. Smiling often is important too. There are 3 things I try to remember throughout my day and to smile often is one of them. Even if I'm just reading, driving, walking or standing in line somewhere, a smile makes my whole body feel good and keeps me staying positive. The other 2 daily mantras of mine are breathe deeply and stand tall. I find myself being more present when I take a few deep breaths, stand up tall and smile. It gives me confidence and reminds me of my yoga and meditation practice that makes me feel so good. I do these small daily tasks that make a difference in my day to day life and create peace within myself. Take a deep breathe, stand tall, smile, laugh, and love yourself, often.

Think good

Manifest-clear or obvious to the eye or mind.

This is the feeling I get when I know i have manifested something to be true. It all started a long time ago when I would write something down I needed or wanted. I use detail and keep the list up to see everyday. I found both the houses I've lived in that way when I've listed all the qualities I want in my living space. Also, I make vision boards where I cut out magazine words and pictures and paste them on a poster board. I do this with time and great thought of the next chapter that I'm manifesting in my life. This is fun and exciting for me, I have made one each year for the past 5 years, it's a great way to start off the new year with clear intentions and desires. I also use my manifestations with clothing. Things I hope to own or find when shopping. I mostly use this at the local free shop we have here on the Cape. Last winter I imagined a black j.crew peacoat to be there for my boyfriend. So i went there and yes I found the exact one i had in mind. Also, I've really been wanting winter boots with a rubber toe, and lace up the front in a tan color. I went to the free shop called Mass Appeal yesterday and there they were. It's so true, manifestations work.

Meditation

Close your eyes, breathe deeply, relax, go inward, imagine, receive, accept and enjoy. This is what meditation means to me. I did an online 5 min Ocean guided meditation by Deepak Chopra this morning. He described a serene beach, lush nature, beauty, warmth, sound of a slight breeze, birds singing and the smell of tropical flowers and fruit. It felt really to good to visit this place in my mind feeling nurtured, content and whole. The meditation was finished with this quote;

"Joy is a return to the deep harmony of body, mind, and spirit that was yours at birth and that can be yours again. That openness to love, that capacity for wholeness with the world around you,is still within you." -Deepak Chopra

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Bikram yoga tonight was amazing! Very sweaty, very hot! I pushed myself hard and am feeling the benefits of the challenging vigorous class. I felt energized right after and was focused, now i am relaxed and tired. In class i enjoyed the breathing techniques at the beginning and end. The teacher was thorough with her description of poses and had us go into shavasana often. The first time for 2 mins and the next ones for 10-20 seconds. The short rest was enough to rejuvenate and regulate my breath, getting ready for the next pose. Each one is done two times with a short rest in between. I will drink more water next time prior to class but that's the only thing I'd change, great class! Go to Bikram Yoga Brewster on Underpass rd. :) See you tomorrow.